mommy will never be happy
2006-08-24, 6:14 p.m.

aaaAAAAAAHHHHHK:LSDJjisadffsadbejkldsfjkfsd

I am so SICK of EVERYTHING. I am sick of it ALL. Fuck everything, fuck everybody. Nothing EVER EVER EVER EVER goes in ANY way that would help me or benefit me at ALL.

I leave my fucking job because it's too expensive to keep, and because personal relationships between myself, my trainer, and the project manager jeopardized the job of the trainer due to the bitter possessive project manager. So I left, so no one gets fired. Sacrifice myself so everybody's happy. What happens? I'm fucking PREGNANT. Goodbye, four hundred bucks. And once again, I sacrifice myself to keep everybody happy and don't say a word about it to the second party.

I finally get a child support payment, a lousy fifty bucks for the last TWO MONTHS of raising our SON, and what happens? I lock my keys in my car. GOODBYE child support check. No gas for me. My cell phone will be shut off after this month because I don't have the money to PAY for another month (thanks to the loss of this check) until I get a JOB and so far all I've gotten is a few interviews and a "we'll let you know in about a MONTH" as if none of the applicants need a job NOW. And if my cell phone gets shut off, well then I won't even know if I GET a job, will I?

And now Shortman is crying because I'm crying and mommy will never be happy.

And what is my bleeding heart mother's advice? "keep your chin up. Maybe god knew you'd lock your keys in the car, so he sent you the money!" Yeah, only in that scenario why doesn't god know I also have a million other things to pay for, so instead of sending me a trickle to cover some bullshit, he could send me all the arrears? Or maybe have arranged so I'd at least be entitled to a payment that's actually FAIR rather than a payment that doesn't even cover HALF of DAYCARE?

As I was applying for medical card the woman asked me how much my order is for. "For fifty-three dollars." "453 dollars?" "No, for fifty-three." "Yeah, 453." "NO, just the 53. For....fifty-three dollars." "A month?!?"

...

Oh yes, we single moms are all in it for the money. See how much I gouge?