cruel and unusual
2006-02-08, 3:41 p.m.

The knowledge that he'll probably never call me again, probably never email me again, and probably welcomed my goodbye as an easy out, is uncomfortable on me right now. I guess it'll be like that for a bit. The way he and I always ran back to each other, even after the roughest points. Even after she found out and I left him and he tried to patch it up with her by turning his back on me verbally. We still loved each other. Part of me will probably always love him, forever. But there just has to come a time where you admit something isn't going to work out like you want it to.

He wanted me as another aquisition. A hot girl ten years younger than him, the likes of which he couldn't have found when he was ten years younger. I was another plasma screen television, another goddamned crotch rocket. A fantasy thing. Never allowed to be real. He once told me during one of our arguments that I was getting to real for him. He could be incredibly cruel when the mood struck him.

Well, at least I can stop hating myself for staying now. That was getting pretty old. I'll get used to this new me. I kind of like her, I kind of like how she's doing things and meeting people and not getting stepped on. It's nice.