links
2006-01-24, 8:56 a.m.

It feels weird to write here now, I gave him a link. Yes, yes, I know. But I love him.

Allegedly she's getting content from some 'personal website' of mine, so I gave him links to here, lj, and myspace. I know she's bluffing, there's no way she could've gotten ahold of anything, she's not that savvy. But I know how convincing she can be. I know what effect her lies have had on me in the past, and I know what effect her lies have had on him. So, I'm nervous.

But I know she's not right for him. I know that. I know that even if he tells me it's over, he'll go home, she'll quiz him about his internet sites, and that will be that. I'm right for him, and she's not, and she's having one devil of a time getting used to it. She keeps trying to destroy us, destroy him, like that's going to make her happy.

Yes, he's been weak in the past. But I can make him less weak. She can not make him love her. And if he did, I wouldn't be around. He wouldn't need me. He wouldn't love me. And he does.

I may have to stop writing here. I don't want the knowledge that he may read it to taint my words. This needs to have a freedom, I need a place I can express without worrying about it. I don't want him upset about my feelings, and I don't want every entry to sound like a plea. I may just lock it up.

So if it's locked later, I just want you to know that I love you more than words could ever say. I hate that the words "I love you" are so damn small, because they don't carry with them the weight of my feelings. I love you, I need you, I want you, and I miss you terribly. The only reason I worry so much is that it's the first thing I've ever wanted so much, and I'm afraid of losing it because of some evil woman who just can't let you be happy. And there you have it.